Women

Apparently, I'm ridiculously inept at everything having to do with them. It's frustrating as hell. I'm not good-looking. I'm not built. Fortunately, women will go for a guy's personality more than the other way around, so I turn into the ultimate friend. I can make friends with women until I realize I like them. Then it gets awkward. Then I get awkward. I did it with the girl in my previous post. Now, every time I talk to her, it feels like I'm forcing the conversation and she wants no part of it...but she's too nice to say that. She'll just give one-word responses that might as well be conversation enders, maybe because she's just tired or maybe she wants me to get the hint that she's not interested or maybe because she's playing hard to get. Hell if I know.

And it's not just women. It's like I can't form any solid relationship. With anybody. It always starts out well. They assume you're like them and treat you with the same respect they'd give anyone else. Then they get to know you. Then the social awkwardness comes out. Then they notice you're just a little different than everyone else...and not in a good way...they don't get the "warm fuzzy." Then they start to distance themselves. The cover of civility is still there, usually. We're all adults, so we've learned to talk about people only behind their backs or ignore them instead of shoving it in their faces. In a way, it's crueler. At least as a kid, you knew where you stood, even if it was at the bottom of the pecking order. As an adult, you might suspect you're at the bottom, but unless you do something so blatantly heinous that everyone openly shuns you, you're expected to carry on like everything's normal and just deal with the constant cold shoulder...with the tiny indications that you're not on the same level as everyone else.

I just wonder when things are going to change. If they can ever change. You hear about people being socially awkward when they're younger, then snapping out of it and becoming normal. I'm 27 years old. Most of the folks I work with who are my age are married and have a kid or two. I've never even had a girlfriend and have failed awkwardly every time I've tried. I know God has a plan. He's kept me going so many times where I could've completely fallen off the wagon. I'd just like to know what that plan is.